Some things from Wednesday:
My drawing teacher told me that my intentions are good and that he can see that I'm trying really hard! He sounded really happy about it so I think I can count it as an accomplishment and perhaps even a compliment. He showed my drawing to the class to show that people need to work harder if a Gringa who hasn't taken Drawing 1 can do better than some of the Ticos that have taken it. I felt kind of awkward about the situation, but at the same time perspective is so hard and I really did try hard. It's still difficult and sometimes my drawings look right. And the other times...
After drawing worked on a project and then headed to this store called Runners. I registered for 5 races!! I'm so excited! I received two shirts already for the upcoming ones. There cool, kinda big, but cool. Picture below. All of the races go towards great causes and I'm pumped. They're all about 6-7miles which is what I've been running right now anyways, so I don't have to worry about anything. There's this other Gringa here who runs for her college. She wants me to run with her on the weekends because she can't get motivated. I hope she doesn't kick my butt with her speed...My dad can tell you I'm not one to be rushed. I'm not slow exactly...but steady....steady is a nice word.
My day today:
My day began really well. My group gave our presentation on the government today and it went really well. I saw a mime show that was on our campus. I also had a piece of free cake. Then I went to the nursing home.
I get to this nursing home with high hopes. I don't know why I always do that. I always go into things with such high hopes, so high that it really is naive. Oh well. Anyways, I get there and this place seems like a century behind the U.S. in terms of medical care. It was also INSANELY depressing. There was this huge confusion between the staff and I at first. They thought I already had some nursing experience and it took a bit to finally get them to understand that my major is nursing but I really have NO experience whatsoever, I just want to work with people and practice spanish. Well then they thought that I wanted to work on my medical spanish, and talk with just the nurses. So I spent the day "job shadowing" this nurse and doing some tasks.
The reason why they thought that I wanted to practice with them and not the actually people living there is because the people living there couldn't talk. Ok, so some could, a little. Most of the people were confined to their beds, strapped down in some way, and definitely not capable of holding a conversation with me. These people were missing more than their minds, but an arm here and a leg there as well. I wanted to cry. I almost did, twice. Here's why:
-The nurse had me helping her change bandages on people with awful wounds, moving people who couldn't move themselves, and I also fed a women milk through this tube that went up her nose. I began to think about how awful everything was, and began to wonder about my own future. These people weren't that old. I really don't think being in your 70s is old. Do the majority of people end up like that? Is that what growing old means? Am I going to be that woman who requires milk to be squeezed down a nose tube? It all hit me so fast. The tears were growing, my breathing was getting faster...I knew I needed to get ahold of myself. I swear, the only thing that got me to calm down was thinking about my own grandparents, especially my great grandma. If a woman, who will be 100 in December, can live in an apartment, still china paint, play cards, and tell stories from the past in her old age then there is some hope. Also, there's a possibility we're sharing genes right now.
-After I overcame that first bout of emotion, a second one came on strong about 20 minutes later. Suddenly I was wondering if I had chosen the right major. I couldn't handle this nursing home and it scared me. If I can't handle these people in this nursing home, then what can I handle? I couldn't get the thought out of my head. It's still bothering me.
I was really depressed on my trip home. I needed to return the Lion King that I rented, so I stopped by the video store. I saw Happy Feet sitting on the shelf looking like a pretty promising mood booster. I've only seen it once but I know that at one part the penguin's sing a Queen song. I couldn't think of anything better in that moment than penguins singing Queen. So it came home with me. It was one of the three things that cheered me up. The second was my host mom.
She told me I should never have gone to that place and that it's a horrible place for someone like me. She said that people are just abandoned there and that the place is not well kept. I did get 10 mosquito bites while I was there. She told me I need to tell my ISEP coordinator that I will not be going back.
The third thing that made me feel better was Alannah. I was desperate to talk to someone after everything and she was just a phone call away. It really was nice. She helped me think through some things too.
That was my day.
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